**I apologize in advance to anyone offended by this, but it is my opinion, and I’m entitled to it**
Before I met Brian, I never really gave much thought to driving. Coming from the Biggest Little State in the Union, a long drive was the 30-minute trip to the beach. Driving was something you did to get from point A to point B.
When I lived in DC, I didn’t even have a car. Public transportation was reliable, safe, and fast. I walked a lot, too, which was nice. But with each job, I moved farther and farther away from the city until I ended up in my now suburban environment.
Each day, I commute from my home to Baltimore City. It about 20 miles each way, and, on a good day, I can do it in 20 minutes. Most days are not good days.
For me, driving is not a spectator sport. I LIKE to drive. Moreover, I LIKE to drive fast. You don’t buy a six-speed, manual transmission, performance automobile if you don’t like to drive. You buy a Camry.
As I drove to work this morning, I thought about all of the road-related things that drive me bonkers! Here are the biggies:
1. Lane discipline (or lack thereof) – Why do people feel the need to use the left lane as a travel lane? Do they not understand that this creates traffic even if they’re exceeding the speed limit? Few things irks me more than when the traffic resembles a rolling wall. All lanes are not meant to be traveling at the same speed. If you’re in the left lane and driving the same speed or slower than the person to your right, move the fuck over. PERIOD.
2. Doing-Everything-But-Driving – The moving automobile is not the place to:
- Scold your kids
- Do your makeup
- Eat
- Shave
- Read
- Text
- Search for stuff
- Talk on the phone (unless on hands-free, and only if you’re capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time. 85% of drivers are not capable of this)
3. Courtesy – When merging, turning, changing lanes, or any other action that requires another driver to alter his or her speed (i.e., slowing down and/or stopping), acknowledge the driver’s kind act with a simple wave. This is a practice that, when I was a child, was the norm. Now, it seems as if everyone has forgotten it. Don’t take kindness for granted because I DON’T HAVE TO LET YOU IN.
4. Courtesy, Part Deux – Let people in. If I’m merging onto the highway, don’t ride the bumper of the person in front of you so that I can’t merge in. Seriously, it’s not going to slow you down that much to let me merge in. Hell, I’ll even wave to you.
5. Courtesy, Over-Doing-It – Do not disrupt currently-flowing traffic to let someone (who does not have the right of way) go. This includes those waiting at stop signs and traffic lights (turning right on red). All you’re doing is causing traffic to back up at that place. Traffic patterns, including stop signs and red lights, are not arbitrary. There is a reason that engineers make buckets of money designing this stuff. It works – don’t try to help it.
6. Entitlement – I realize that some people think they’re more important than everyone else. We see this every day with those who cut in line at the deli counter or don’t slow down at crosswalks (even though it’s the law). But the fact is you are no more important than any other driver on the road. The only people who can claim priority over other drivers are police, ambulance, and fire engine drivers. So, don’t think that you have more right to that lane or that parking space than I do.
7. Ego – Leave it at home. Do any of you know someone who takes it as a personal attack when someone passes them? I do. I see these people every day. They’re the same ones who, after merging onto a six-lane highway, head right over to the left lane and set up camp. For these people, it’s an affront on their ego to be passed, and it’s a show of weakness to yield to another driver. If I’m attempting to pass you, don’t speed up so that I can’t, then slow down when I’m stuck behind you again. WTF is that all about? If I want to go faster than you do, what difference should it make? Now, maybe if you weren’t driving a pathetic excuse for a car …
8. Choice of Vehicle –There are three vehicles in particular that I’ve learned are common offenders of #s 1-6: The Toyota Camry, the Minivan (any make, any model), and the Honda CRV.
- Now, I’ve made no secret of my dislike of the Camry, although I feel that most Toyotas fall into the same bucket. But, for some reason, the Camry is the worst. As with everything, there are exceptions to this rule (my stepmom special orders her Camrys with manual transmissions, which is sort of badass), but I’m writing in general terms.
- Before I discovered the “joy” of Camrys, I was dealing with the phenomenon that is the minivan. Why is it that when operating a minivan, the driver loses all ability to focus on driving? No, really, why?
- I have a nickname for the CRV: the Camry of the SUV world. Nuff said.
- Honorable mention – The Jaguar.
When I see any one of these vehicles, usually in the left lane when I’m trying to pass, I expect the worst. Every now and again, I’m pleasantly surprised, but for the most part, they don’t let my expectations down. Now, if you drive one of these cars, ask yourself if you’re an offender and be honest.
9. Attitude – This goes hand-in-hand with #6, but it deserves its own category. If you want to pass me, move over to the left lane and do so (because I’m not in that lane unless *I’m* passing someone). Don’t ride my ass with the intention of “motivating” me to go faster. Chances are, I’m speeding already, so if you want to go even faster, pass me. And when you finally do pass me, don’t slam on your breaks to “teach me a lesson.”
Also in this category is when you find me on your ass because you’re clogging up the passing lane. Don’t “jack up” on your brakes so that I have to slam on mine. Don’t play these stupid games; just get out of the way. I’m not trying to insult you; I just want to get where I’m going. It’s when you play these games, or feel that it is your responsibility to stop me from speeding, that people get hurt. Don’t do unsafe things that could kill someone.
<side note> There is scenario that I encounter every day on my drive home. The northbound side of a road merges down to one lane AFTER a stop light. So, people who are turning right at that light don’t merge over into the left lane at all, and some people wait to merge until after they have gone through the light. Sometimes, the people waiting in the left lane get pissed off that people drive up the right lane and merge in at the last minute. So, to curb this behavior and “teach them a lesson,” they straddle both lanes so that people can’t get around them. This drives me crazy, especially because after that point, there are no passing zones on this road. If you get stuck behind a slow person, you’re SOL. So, I like to stay in the right lane to guage the traffic and see who the slow drivers are. More often than not, I manage to avoid them and travel at speed. But, every now and again, I get stuck behind a slow driver. It sucks. </sidenote>
10. And last, but not least, Turn Signals – they put them in your car for a reason. Use them. I don’t care if there’s no one around you. It will help you get in the habit of using them more when they are needed. I use a turn signal for every single turn I make. It doesn’t hurt anyone to use them, and it’s not a sign of weakness. You’re less likely to have a crash if people actually know what you’re doing.
Seriously, people, brush up on your driver’s education. Take this test, and if you don’t get all of the answers correct, research why. Driving is big responsibility with a lot of rules. Know them.