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By shannon, March 10, 2010 9:41 am

As I expected, my A1c went up.  I just didn’t expect it to go up *that* much.  For almost two years, my A1c has been below 7%.  It’s a lot of work, but totally worth it.

I admit that I rebelled a bit.  I also got lazy.  I was just so tired of the tight control and limitations.  I went a little nuts.  I have the weight gain and lousy A1c to show for it. 

All other tests were good.  BP was “excellent” according to Dr. S.  He also said that I’d *lost* two pounds since my last appointment.  This just doesn’t seem right, but I wasn’t about to argue.  He gave me a list of group meetings and events (read: support groups) for Type 1s and encourage me to attend.  I don’t know if I will – I admit that it would be nice to meet some other Type 1s in person, though. 

As I mentioned yesterday, I wanted to talk to Dr. S. about Symlin.  After looking at my A1c, Dex graphs, and logbook, his initial feeling was to further increase my basals.  Since I had decided that I was not going to let that happen, I needed to find an alternative.  See, *I* think my basals are too high as it is.  The highs I’m experiencing aren’t the result of too-low basal settings; it’s because I’ve been eating like shit for months and, more often than not, SWAG bolusing.  So, I’m high because I didn’t count carbs correctly.  Sure, I correct, but once I’m high, it’s so hard to get back down. 

Which, once again, led me to the Symlin talk.  I’d tried it once before and gave up after a few days.  I was told that it is not indicated for pregnant women, and since we were actively trying at that point (and blissfully unaware of our fertility issues), I decided that it was best to stop.  To be honest, I was not heartbroken to lose the awful nausea that accompanied it.  But, the thing is, I never really gave it a chance. 

In preparation for my appointment, I did a bunch of research.  I learned that the nausea goes away pretty quickly and that the key is to stick with it.  I learned that some people have lost huge amounts of weight thanks to it.  I learned that most decrease their boluses by at least half.  All of these facts solidified my resolve to give it another shot.

So, just before dinner last night, I dialed up the minimum 15mcg and gave myself the shot.  I ate my meal slowly (I did notice that I got fuller faster) and waited.  I carefully calculated the carbs in what I ate (49 grams total), and programmed a 60-minute extended bolus.  And I waited. 

Sure, I felt a little nauseated, but nothing too extreme (I definitely didn’t feel like I was going to puke or anything).  I wasn’t hungry either, which was nice.  I often feel hungry even after eating a decent meal.  Dex showed almost no movement in my BG for over an hour.  Since I was super exhausted yesterday, I went to bed early. 

At 11:53pm, Dex beeped.  The dreaded low alarm.  I looked at the screen: 68 mg/dl.  Not too bad, but I did a finger stick to confirm:  66 mg/dl.  Since Dex indicated a downward trend, I decided to drink a juice box.  Then, I did something really stupid.  I programmed a temp basal of 50%.  I was spooked; I admit it.  I didn’t want to have a horrible low that would be difficult to treat because of the Symlin (I’d read that this happens).  I wanted to play it safe. 

Just as any sane person would expect, a few hours later, my BG started to climb.  Nothing drastic – I was sitting at 150ish.  Then my usual Dawn Phenomenon kicked in (I have a basal rate that is more than two times greater during the hours of 5am-8am).  A temp basal of 50% was not going to make a dent in that train wreck.  After my shower, I was sitting at 180 mg/dl and climbing. 

Since the pod was due for a change, I swapped it out and canceled that stupid temp basal.  Now, as I write this at 9:16am, I am at 189 mg/dl.  This is despite two decent correction boluses.  I know the crash is coming, and I’m ready for it.  I’m just pissed off at myself for giving in to the fear.  It’s the fear of lows that gives me a 7.5% A1c.  It’s unacceptable.

Ugh, diabetes, I hate you.

**UPDATE**

As I wrote this post, I got a call from the fertility doc’s office.  They wanted to tell me that they’d received a copy of my A1c (which the nurse described as “elevated”), and that for conception, they want it to be under 6%.  As if I didn’t already feel shitty enough.

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By shannon, March 6, 2010 9:00 am

Two nights ago, I had a horrible low.  It wasn’t that my BG was all that far south (only 47 mg/dl – I’ve been much lower), it was that once it hit me, it hit me like a giant bus.

I was shaky, dizzy, sweating, starving, and exhausted.  I still don’t know which of these was the prevailing symptom at first, but I know what quickly took over:  STARVING. 

I did my usual juice box thing (I ALWAYS correct lows with a single juice box), but then I lost control.  In the span of five minutes, I consumed:

1. The aforementioned juice box
2. 2 granola bar packages (with two in each package!)
3. A handful of Sun Chips
4. 1 glass of milk

By the time I was finished, I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open.  Brian came home from work to find me on the bed surrounded by the carnage of my eating binge.  If I hadn’t felt so shitty, it would have been really funny.

Actually, looking back, it’s pretty damn funny!

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By shannon, December 8, 2009 9:06 am

Last Friday, I wrote a quick tweet and facebook status message about my intent to give up caffeine.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, both for better health, and in preparation for pregnancy.  

When I told Brian my plan, he asked me why I wanted to do this now. There was nothing discouraging in his query, just curiosity.  I thought long and hard about my many reasons, but it really comes down to one:

I know that the 1^st trimester of pregnancy is hard.  I can expect morning sickness, exhaustion, headaches, and other not-so-fun symptoms.  Why would I want to add caffeine withdrawal to that list?  

I’m a realist, and I know there’s a possibility that I’ll never conceive, but just in case I do, I want to avoid as much unpleasantness as I can.

So, on Saturday morning, while Brian gulped his normal three cups of java, I slowly sipped my new strawberry blooming tea.  It’s not only yummy, it’s also pretty (oh, how I love pretty things!).  I steeped the same tea four or five times, and each time, it tasted as good as the first.  

Now, it’s Tuesday, and I’d give my right arm for a cup of coffee.  I’m resisting, but it’s really, really hard.  I can smell it throughout the office, I can taste it when Brian kisses me goodbye, I can almost feel the caffeine running through my co-workers veins.  Almost.

I’ll be strong and get through this withdrawal.  I’ve got my tea.

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By shannon, November 23, 2009 10:45 am

As I roll forward into my third week of Weight Watchers, I thought I’d take a few minutes to tell you all about my progress.  So far, I’ve lost six pounds.  In two weeks! 

I’ll be honest, I didn’t have high expectations for this when I started.  I wanted to like the idea, but I’m just not a “healthy” eater.  However, I’ve learned a few things since that first day:

1. I’m hungry a lot, but I can live with that. 
2. 96% lean ground beef makes a very tasty burger, especially with a lightly toasted whole wheat bun.
3. Weight Watchers (Smart Ones) has some super yummy dessert choices.
4. My insulin sensitivity increases with each lost pound – basal changes coming again soon.
5. I feel better.
6. It’s a completely livable system.  I haven’t cheated once, but I also haven’t felt the need to.  If I know I’m going to be eating badly or a lot of food, I just save up the points.

Overall, this system has opened my eyes to how much food I used to be eating.  I love that I can still eat anything; it’s the moderation factor that I just didn’t grasp before.  After eating, I almost never feel full, but I always feel satisfied.  By BG control has been so much better, too.  Although I’ve been battling some pretty serious and annoying lows, lowering my A1c even further in preparation for pregnancy is totally worth it.  With tighter control, lows are inevitable (are you listening, Mom?).  It’s just part of being a type 1.

So, I’m going to continue on WW journey until I’ve achieved what I view to be a healthy weight for me.  I’ll never be a skinny girl; I’ve got hips and boobs and they’re not going anywhere.  But, I can and will get to a place where I feel best.  Then, (hopefully), I’ll get pregnant and fat and happy!

Comments (7)

By shannon, November 11, 2009 8:39 am

I hate vegetables.  I call them Vile Weeds.  There, I said (err, wrote) it.  I cannot stand the texture or the bland taste of almost all veggies.  Especially when they’re cooked.  There’s just something so gross about the mush that most vegetables become when contact is made with a heat source.  Sure, everyone tells me that “when they’re cooked right, they’re really good.”  Yeah, I’m not buying it.

Anyone who’s read this blog knows that I struggle with my weight.  It’s a daily battle between what I love to eat and what I need to eat.  I love cheeseburgers and pizza and french fries and, well, you get the point.  I love junk food.  Junk food loves to make me fat.  My diabetes hates junk food. I’m often rewarded for indulging with a super-high BG that causes me to rage bolus, only to end up three hours later with a low that makes my teeth rattle.  It’s not a good relationship.

So, this week I began a new relationship.  I joined Weight Watchers Online.  It was a big step for me because I remember going to Weight Watchers as a teen and hating it – not the food plans or the strict requirements. No, I hated the meetings.  I hated having to get on a scale every week (while not in the privacy of my own bathroom) and having my weight entered on some little card.  If I didn’t lose enough, I felt like a failure.  It just plain sucked.

Now, as an adult, my issue isn’t the weigh-ins.  It’s the “cheerleader” feel of the meetings that I loathe.  Maybe it’s  just my inner cynical bitch, but I just can’t participate in these types of functions without rolling my eyes.  Yep, inner cynical bitch claims full responsibility. 

This time, I opted for the online version, which I can do myself, in the privacy of my own home.  Since I’m a techie, I LOVE the cool, interactive website that allows me to look up points values, keep a food journal (which comes in handy for meetings with the CDE), and see where I stand with my available points for both the day and the week.  Throw in the mobile app for my iPhone, and I’m so set.  I actually use this app (not something I can say for at least 75% of the apps I’ve downloaded).

Here’s what I’ve learned in the three short days since I started Weight Watchers:

1. I eat A LOT of calories!  Call it denial or avoidance, but I’ve been eating a lot of food.  It’s no wonder that my weight has steadily crept up to its current overall awfulness.
2. My guessing game with bolusing has been pathetic, at best.  It’s not surprising that I kept screwing up my BG – I’ve been bolusing for the portions I *should* be eating, not what I *was* eating.
3. I need to exercise.  If I exercise, I get more points.  More points equals more food.
4. The little Weight Watchers snack bars are fricking awesome.  At one point each, they’re the perfect mid-afternoon snack.
5. Green beans (one of the only veggies that I actually like cooked) have a total points value of ZERO. 
6. I don’t drink nearly enough water.  (Side question: Does Crystal Light count as water? Anyone know?)
7. This system is doable.  Sure I miss my cheeseburgers and pizza and french fries, but there are options.  Last night, I made the best little six point pizza ever (contact me for the recipe)!

For those of you wondering, I have received absolutely no compensation from Weight Watchers to write this blog.  Aside from the credit card I used to pay for my membership, I doubt they even know my name.  However, if anyone from Weight Watchers would like to sponsor this blog, feel free to contact me

I’m still not eating cooked vegetables, though.