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By shannon, August 4, 2010 9:17 am

A few months ago, I came across a DVD while browsing the aisles in Walmart.  The movie had an interesting premise, and I bought it and watched it later that week.

The Box is the story of a family.  One day, a mysterious box is left on the front step by a creepy man with half a face.  Later that day, he returns to the house and explains what is in the box and what it can do.

Basically, the box contains a button.  If you press the button, you get a million dollars. But somewhere in the world, someone you don’t know will die.  What do you do?

In this scenario, the wife presses the button and is rewarded with a briefcase containing a million dollars.  The man begins packing up the button and box and prepares to leave.  The wife begins to get antsy and asks what happens next.  The man tells her that he will contine to offer the “deal” to other people until someone chooses not to take the money.  His parting words are “the deal will only be made to people you don’t know.”

Well, the family begins to freak out.  They know that one of them will die, and they are powerless to stop it.  This is where the movie goes downhill, but I won’t spoil the ending for anyone who might want to watch it.

This movie was, frankly, not very good, but the premise was intriguing.  It made me think, which is a quality that I LOVE in movies.  I started to think about the “what ifs.”  What if, instead of a million dollars, I was offered a chance to live without diabetes?  What if, instead of the money, I was offered the ability to have a child?  And what if, instead of someone I don’t know, somewhere in the world, dying, someone I don’t know was given my affliction (diabetes, infertility, etc.)?

Sure, I’d be vulnerable to whatever the next person’s (i.e., the next person given the choice) affliction was.  Would it be worth it?  What is worse than diabetes?  What’s worse than infertility?

Obviously, there are lots of things worse than either of these conditions.  I know this is true, but when I think about them, they all seem better than this.  And obviously, I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone else, but if it was a real, tangible choice, I can’t say I wouldn’t be tempted.

What would *you* do?

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By shannon, August 3, 2010 12:02 pm

I’ve had the honor of knowing Bob McCausland for a number of months.  He is a true gentleman and the driving force behind our ongoing efforts to see Roddy Pippin receive the fair and necessary treatment needed to survive.  Bob first met Roddy about four years ago during his Prison Entrepreneurship efforts.  If anyone would like to contact Bob or join us in raising awareness of Roddy’s situation, please send me an email (shannon at ladadeeda dot com).

“A Message to Roddy, and to the World”

Here in Texas, the good people in power are captive to the self-serving special interest crowd.  Others in power believe what they want to believe, and do not seek out facts – they will not challenge those who they know are lying, they look for the easy way out.  Texas Department of Criminal Justice and University of Texas Medical Branch have learned how to accommodate very, very well.

Of those in power, some are downright lazy.  Some steal government resources – resources of the people – resources that the people worked hard to achieve – so that they can have their own little comfortable retirements and talk big about how much power they once had, how they gamed the process and skirted the law, and what they did to that sick young kid while letting their friends and family get away with repeated offenses that were worse by far.  Their self-pride is a façade – it’s phony!  And they and the people around them know it! 

They play their little games because they can, and they collect their government checks labeled “paychecks” and “farm subsidies.”  But those are not just government checks.  Those are funds of the people.  That’s the work of others in their pockets – the hard-earned dollars of the poor and elderly, and of the single mothers, of the teens working their first summer jobs, and of the college students of every age struggling to make ends meet so that maybe they can have a better future.

Ultimately, the truth is on our side.  Our coalition has grown not just in numbers but in power.  This process of the evil, self-righteous, self-serving people in power manipulating those who would normally do what’s right with their lie-mongering, myth-creating deceptions must end.  Exposure is clearly the key, and we cannot forget that.  Document and expose is our charge.  We must – and will – give credit to those who deserve, for the future of our state – and our nation – relies on their successes.  Do not allow this to happen to others is a goal.  All of this has got to be our job, and it’s a big one.  The lies will catch up to the evil ones.  Good will triumph over evil.  The evil ones will someday meet their maker.  The bell shall toll for each.  For now it’s up to us.  We will not stop.  We will not go away.  We will grow in numbers and in strength.  And we may get beaten down and bloodied, but we will achieve successes for you, for others, for ourselves!

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By shannon, July 30, 2010 2:46 pm

Two posts in one day – this is a new experience for me, but if I don’t get this out, I’m either going to throw up or throw something (like a brick through a window).

The day after my sister died, I got my period.  With that, all of my dreams of having conceived a child on her birthday were shattered.  It was more pain on top of some of the greatest pain I’ve ever felt.

Nevertheless, just two days later, Brian and I drove home to Maryland so that I could continue with the fertility plan – it’s what Lisa wanted; she wanted to be an aunt almost as much as I want to be a mommy.  I went to the appointment at 7am the day after we arrived home (after driving for 15ish hours).  I moved forward with the cycle, did the awful drugs, had the icky condom cam more than once, and went through two more IUI procedures.

For reasons I’m not going to get into, I didn’t think it worked this month.  But, even when your head knows something, sometimes your heart is still holding out hope.

This morning at 7am, I had the blood draw that would definitively tell me if I’m pregnant.  I got to work and attempted to catch up on some blog reading, but I was super busy.  I did stumble across Elizabeth’s post, which, as you can tell from my comment, invoked certain emotions in me.

Then, just after lunch, I got an email from a coworker announcing that his wife is pregnant with their 2nd child.

Then, not even five minutes later, I got the call that my pregnancy test was negative. Again.

And now, I can’t stop crying.  Seriously, I’ve been crying for over an hour, and it just won’t stop.  I actually had to leave work because I couldn’t hold it in. I don’t begrudge anyone the right to have a child; I really don’t. I just wish that it didn’t have to be happening all around me. ALL. THE. TIME.

More than anything, I want to talk to my sister (and please don’t tell me that I can talk to her anytime – I want to HEAR her voice).  I want to tell my best friend how much it hurts, and I want her to tell me that it’s ok to feel robbed.  That my pain doesn’t diminish anyone else’s happiness.  But, I have no sister; my best friend is gone.

They say God never gives us more than we can handle.  Well, I don’t know who “they” are, but they’re full of shit.  Because I can’t handle all of this.  I need a break.  A break from diabetes, from infertility, from everything.

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By shannon, July 30, 2010 12:24 pm

Big thanks to Rachel for the idea for this meme.  Sure, you guys a lot about me, but I bet I can still surprise you.  So, without further adieu, I give you:

10 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me

1. I was a cheerleader.
2. I worked in Helsingborg, Sweden when I was 24.
3. When I was diagnosed with D, my A1c was 14.7% (and they still refused to accept that I just might be T1; especially since my A1c from a routine physical six months before was under 5%). Idiots.
4. Whenever there is a big change in my life, I dye my hair a different color (I’ve been every color out there).
5. I am a photography enthusiast.  I recently purchased a Nikon D700, which I’m completely in love with.
6. I scored higher on the Math section of the SAT than I did on the verbal (and I’m a professional writer).
7. When I receive poor customer service, I look up the email naming convention of the company’s employees, research the names of all high-level executives, and send them an email describing the experience.  What most people don’t realize is that these guys do NOT want to hear that customers are dissatisfied – they are not on the front lines, so they think everything is fine.  I make sure they know that everything is NOT fine.  In response to my letters, there is usually an attempt to “make it up to me.”  While all I really want is an apology, I’ve ended up getting free stuff from Dell Computers, Delta Airlines, Dexcom, Linens & Things, and I know there are more, but I can’t remember what they are.
8. I have a non-sexual girl-crush on Ashley Judd.  I have no idea why.
9. I’m originally from Rhode Island, a.k.a. “The Biggest Little State in the Union”
10. I’m allergic to strawberries.  Sad, but true.

So, now you know a lot more about me.  Why doncha tell me about you, now?

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By shannon, July 29, 2010 2:21 pm

As you guys know, this blog is about everything.  Sure, I write about diabetes a lot, but sometimes, I mix it up with posts about traffic, family, infertility struggles, food, etc.

Today, it’s an open letter to Citi.

Dear Citi,

Remember last year when you decided to arbitrarily close our Shell Mastercard account?  Remember how you did it with no notice?  Remember how I found out?  Yeah, getting that “declined” at the pump was not a fun experience.

Remember how I contacted an acquaintance at the Associated Press who wrote a story about you guys?  Remember how that story was picked up by hundreds of news outlets, and I ended up doing interviews about my experience?

Well, I thought you guys had learned your lesson.  I thought those billions in tax-payer bailouts would have made you recognize that you are not invulnerable.  I thought you would have been done with making rash decisions and burning bridges.  I was wrong.

Imagine my surprise when I read your latest letter, which in a nutshell, said you were closing our Home Depot Consumer Credit account (hey, at least you told us first).  Can you picture my face as I read your bullshit statement about “items in your credit report?”  Can you?  Did you even review the credit report, or did you just close the accounts of everyone who used (and loved) the “no interest for 12 months” deal?   Is it because we always paid it off before you could get your interest payments?

My guess is that just like with the Shell Mastercard, you closed the accounts of those who ALWAYS paid their bills on time.  We are not moneymakers for you, so you’re tossing us aside like yesterday’s trash.

Are you reading this Citi?  What about you, Shell Oil and Home Depot?  Because although you are not at the root of this, you will be affected.  I won’t get gas from you, Shell, anymore.  I don’t care if you’re the cheapest gas around.  I’d rather fill up at BP, which is saying a lot.  And Home Depot?  One word:  Lowes.

As for you, Citi, there will come a day when you want my business.  Once all of this bailout stuff is a distant memory, you’ll try to tempt me with a pre-approved credit offer.  You’ll attempt to dazzle me with low interest rates.  And when you do, I will attach a copy of this blog post to the blank credit application.

Until then, here’s a great big LADA-dee-da Fuck You!

Sincerely,

Shannon

P.S. How did that SEC fine imposed today feel?  You’re so shady; you deserve everything you get!

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By shannon, July 26, 2010 9:11 am

I ordered this pendant to hold a small amount of her ashes. It is even more beautiful in person, and I'm wearing it today. I hope it gives me strength!

How is it possible that it’s only been three weeks since she left? Three weeks since she took her last breath.  Three weeks since I watched the funeral home person load her into a hearse.

It feels like three years.  Except, by the time three years go by, I hope to feel a little less empty and a little more like me.

But, it’s only been three weeks.  I’ve picked up the phone to call her a few hundred times, and after every good, bad, annoying, sad, and stupid experience I have, I think “I can’t wait to hear what Lisa thinks about this!” 

I feel like a huge part of me is missing, and while I try to go through the motions – even putting on a happy face – it’s hollow.  I just don’t know how to exist in this world without my sister. 

I need some good news, and I need it NOW.

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By shannon, July 23, 2010 1:58 pm

Yes, I’m late to the party.  But I’m here, right?  That should count for something!

My contribution to the D-Feast is an appetizer that I’ve been making for years.  It is HUGELY popular and contains just three ingredients.  These things are super easy to make, and they never fail to please.

I know how much we all love Bacon (hi George), so here goes:

Ingredients

1 package (pound) bacon (I like Oscar Mayer, but any regular bacon will do – NO reduced fat or turkey bacon allowed).

1 loaf of cheap white bread (must be very fresh and soft).

1 8oz brick of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.

1-2 baking dishes (I use rectangular casserole dishes).

Toothpicks

Instructions

1. Slice the bacon in half lengthwise (I usually do this while it’s still in the package – it’s just easier)
2. Spread a thin, even layer of cream cheese onto a slice of bread.
3. Cut the crusts off (and discard) and slice the bread into three even sections.
4. On a flat surface, place a section of the bread/cream cheese combo face up on top of a half slice of bacon. 
5. Roll and secure with a toothpick.  Place in baking dish.
6. Repeat until you run out of something (I usually double and sometimes triple this recipe).
7. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes.  Then, broil for an additional 5 minutes to get the bacon crispy. 

Be warned, these things are like crack.  And at 3 carbs (at most) per rollup, you can enjoy, too!

Comments (1)

By shannon, July 12, 2010 8:26 pm

I am unbelievably moved by the outpouring of support from the DOC.  The loss of my sister and best friend is the hardest I’ve ever endured.  Her death, though senseless and way too soon, was not preventable.  There is no prevention for breast cancer, and there is no cure.  Billions of dollars are spent researching a cure, but it continues to elude us.

There is one thing that has been said to me at least one hundred times in the past seven days, “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”  Well, it’s too late for Lisa, and a cure for cancer is a rather large request (even for me!), but there is something you can do.

There is another person whose life hangs in the balance.  Just like most of us, he’s a type 1 diabetic.  Unlike us, he has zero control over the management of his condition; he’s at the mercy of those who do not care if he lives or dies.  Roddy Pippin is an amazing young man, and he desperately needs our help.

Texas Judge Dan Mike Bird (the D.A. at the time of Roddy’s plea agreement) proudly proclaims that he insisted on the stacking of State jail sentences for Roddy.  He said “I did not want Mr. Pippin to be released early, so I insisted on the four stacked two-year State jail terms reflected in the plea bargain.” He did this because in Texas, State jail sentences are not parole eligible, while State prison sentences are.

I’ve been writing about Roddy for a while now, and although more people know his name, his situation has not changed. Lately, it’s gotten even worse (something I didn’t think was possible).  Last Thursday (7/8), Roddy called his wife Jacie and said that he wasn’t feeling well.  He indicated that his blood sugars were extremely high all day, often exceeding the meter’s scale (600+)!  He had been throwing up, not responding to numerous insulin shots, and exhibiting other signs of the onset of DKA.  Despite several emergency calls and emails, nothing was done for him.

Those close to Roddy, and I’m privileged to be among them, know that this cannot continue indefinitely.  We cannot let him suffer this torture. And make no mistake; this is torture.  If this was happening to an American in some third-world prison, the outrage would be deafening.  This is happening on American soil!

So, to everyone who asked if there was anything they could do, here it is.  Write to the legislators of Texas.  Write to the Warden of  the Jester III prison. Write to the Texas Department of Justice.  And write to judge Dan Mike Bird.  Let them know that WE ARE WATCHING.

Texas Legislature Online

Kenneth Negbenebor, Senior Warden, Jester III

Texas Department of Justice

Judge Dan Mike Bird

It’s not too late for Roddy, but my voice is only so loud.  We are a powerful community, and one of us needs help. Please, please help!

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By shannon, July 9, 2010 4:47 pm

On Monday morning, at 8:58am, my beautiful sister, Lisa, took her last breath.  I flew to Florida on Friday morning because she was not doing very well, but I had no idea that she would be gone less than three days later.  She died at home in her own bed with my mom on one side of her and me on the other.  We told her how much we loved her and that it was okay for her to let go.

Lisa was my only sister – my only sibling.  She was “that person” for me.  The one person I could call with any issue; the one who called me.  She was more than my sister; she was my best friend.  I will miss her every day.

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By shannon, June 22, 2010 11:54 am

In all of my ranting and rambling about TTC and pregnancy, I’ve gotten lots of great advice from readers.  Some have been through their own T1 pregnancy experiences, and some have even gone down the fertility treatment path with T1.  There are some whose advice I take as gospel:

Kerri – As most of you know, Kerri (Six Until Me) recently gave birth to her first child (who has to be one of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen).  She wrote about EVERYTHING while she was pregnant, and I’ve learned tons from reading her blog.  I love that she wasn’t afraid to tell the real, whole, nasty truth when it came to the not-so-fun-and-wonderful aspects of a T1 pregnancy.  But she also had some many touching, heartwarming posts that I often cried while reading.  I’ve been a little light on the comments lately, but trust me, I’ve been reading every word.

Lyrecha – From the start, Cheryl has given me some awesome advice.  She’s commented on a few of my blogs, and she’s also taken the time to email me with words of encouragement and helpful information.  I follow her blog with gusto, and I’ve just ordered her new book, Balancing Pregnancy With Pre-Existing Diabetes: Healthy Mom, Healthy Baby.  Oh, and there’s the small fact that she’s pregnant! 

Since I could possibly (hopefully)  be pregnant myself (please God, let me be knocked up!), I’m super excited to read Cheryl’s book and apply that knowledge to my life.  But, even if I’m not pregnant, this book will be an excellent way to get in the best shape possible before I do conceive. 

When my time finally comes, both of these amazing ladies will be who I look to for advice.