Does Having Diabetes Make Me Ineligible to Adopt?
In an attempt to come to terms with our situation and to be proactive in finding an alternative, I began researching adoption.
Adoption scares the hell out of me. Maybe it’s the horror stories I’ve read about birth mothers changing minds, or learning that a child has been severely abused prior to adoption, or even the enormous costs associated with the adoptive process. I don’t know what it is, but I’m afraid.
But, since Brian and I are two good people who could provide a stable and loving environment to a child, I am willing to give it a try. Or at least I was.
As I spent hours reading about the adoption process, I learned a thing or three:
Adopting a child through the state is going to be a challenge. I know that there are lots of older kids out there who need homes, but given my trepidation about it all, I really want to adopt an infant. I want the opportunity to help shape a child and teach him or her right from wrong. I fear that many older children have already been defined by their experiences, and while they deserve no less than a loving home, I am not prepared to undo any damage that has occurred.
Adopting a child through a private agency (via an adoption attorney) is going to be expensive. Probably more expensive than Brian and I could afford. While this is the scenario most likely to provide us with an infant, it is the one that’s going to be the most difficult to pursue. Moreover, since the process usually begins before the child is born, the chance of the birth mother changing her mind is real.
Adopting a child internationally is going to be nearly impossible. I located a very reputable agency that handles international adoptions on a regular basis. They have a list of countries that they work with (China, Russia, Bulgaria, Columbia, etc.), as well as the criteria that potential adoptive parents are required to meet. On nearly every one, there is the following requirement:
No current medical conditions, chronic illnesses, infectious diseases, or severe deformities of applicants.
So, does this mean that as a Type 1 diabetic, which is a chronic condition, I am excluded as a potential parent? I fired off an email to the agency to get the bottom line, but I have an awful feeling about it.
If anyone has any positive (and recent) adoption experiences to share, please do so. If you know of reputable agencies or attorneys, please share that info, as well. We’re really starting from scratch here, and it’s hard to separate fact from fiction.
Themocracy
Check out Art Sweet’s blog. she has a beautiful son that her and her partner adopted and she is a type 1. You should ask her. I know she jumped thru several hoops but i think she will tell you they were all worth it. Good luck and don’t give up hope!!!
http://artsweet.wordpress.com/
Please don’t let your fear keep you from investigating adoptions.
I have no advice or knowledge about adopting when you have diabetes, but I wish you the best as you learn more.
Thanks, George. I’ll definitely check out Art Sweet’s blog!
Colleen, I’m trying to stay positive about it, but I’m reading about things like home studies, psychological evals, and background investigations. It’s not that we have any skeletons (my husband and I both have Federal Security clearances, so we’re pretty squeaky clean), it just seems super invasive.
It’s definitely invasive…Be prepared for that! You’ll have people looking into every nook and cranny of your life. But it’s also definitely possible.
At least as of a year ago, when we were looking into Ethiopia and Haiti, neither of them restricted parents based on health issues. China has gotten more restrictive, but I know they allow parents with chronic illnesses to adopt SN kids. We didn’t go with China, though, because there’s a really long wait, even for special needs babies.
In Russia they’ll do a blood test during your first visit (you need two visits), and they may reject adoptive parents with a bad A1C or high creatinine, etc., but they don’t reject people just because they’re diabetic. I think it’s the same deal with Kazakhstan.
Domestically (and I know this sounds awful), biracial and black babies can be significantly less expensive to adopt than white babies. We’ve joined a program where we actually paid the full amount, but will probably be given a black or biracial baby because we said we were open to either (and there are fewer parents willing to adopt minority children, so you’re more likely to be chosen.) We’ll then get some of our money back. The agency’s excuse (many agencies do this) is that they have a harder time placing minority babies and so want to make the adoption easier. It makes my skin crawl a little, implying these babies are “worth less” but I guess I understand why it’s done. And it’s great for us, not having to pay as much, since all we care about is that the baby is a human being.
The whole process sucks, I won’t lie. The paperwork is a pain in the butt, and it makes me angry every time I see crack dealers with kids crawling at their feet. (And being informed now about birth mothers viewing our profile, who’ve been doing drugs and drinking alcohol and smoking throughout their pregnancies–knowing the lengths I’d go and the things I’d give up if I was pregnant–makes the whole thing feel so freakin’ unfair.) So yeah, it all sucks, but it’s definitely, definitely do-able.
Good luck, Shannon, whichever path to motherhood you choose.
Elizabeth Joy, thank you so much for the helpful information. Like you, we are not picky about the race of our child. We’re willing to pay whatever we have to (and *have* available), but the idea of “buying” a child is abhorrent to me. What agency are you using (if you don’t mind sharing that info – if you want, you can email me directly: shannon@ladadeeda.com). It seems that there are so many out there; we just don’t want to get scammed.
You are right on the money with everything. I have identical reactions to people who take parenthood for granted. To jeopardize the health of your baby by smoking, drinking, or doing drugs is just so selfish. It absolutely infuriates me. Brian works with a guy who has been complaining non-stop because he “knocked up his girlfriend.” UGH! Oh, boy, I could go on for pages, but I’ll end the rant now! I really do appreciate your comments and advice.
P.S. I just downloaded your first book on my Kindle! I’m looking forward to reading it. I’m originally from Rhode Island, so I love the Block Island setting!!!
Hey Hon, I’ve been following you for awhile now. I don’t know much about the adoption process myself but there is another VERY sweet Lady on http://forums.delphiforums.com/diabeticmommy/messages this board I am active on, and she adopted a little boy last winter (2008). They had a good experience with the birth mom (ran into trouble with the birth dad but, everything is fine now). The ladies on the forum are very wonderful and helpful and I’m sure she would love to give you some pointers/advice.
I hope everything works out great for you!
Thanks for the info, Bethany. I’m definitely going to check that forum out!
Shannon,
I’m not sure where you are located but the agency my brother used was called Adoptions from the Heart (also a friend used it too). They are on the the East Coast. I believe that they do only open adoptions but they do domestic and international. If you are ok with that, I have only heard good things about them. It is alot of paperwork and ALOT of headaches but it’s well worth it in the end. Best of luck with everything!
Thanks, Lisa. I’m on the East Coast, too. I’ll definitely research them!
P.S. I’m a Pisces girl, too!
I am an adoption attorney and have specialized in international adoptions. Your friend Michael Hoskins asked me to comment on your question.
Some countries have restrictions regarding the health of the adoptive parents. China and Ukraine are more restrictive regarding health conditions of adoptive parents. Approx. 2 years ago I completed an adoption from Vietnam (which is currently closed) for a couple and the wife was Type I Diabetic. Congo (DRC) and Nicaragua are programs that we offer that would be flexible in the health catagory. Often it also depends upon your doctor’s statement and your home study caseworker’s opinion regarding whether you are healthy enough to adopt. Feel free to check out my website at MLJAdoptions.com. I hope this information is helpful.
Sincerely,
Michele L. Jackson
Adoption Attorney
Hi–you’ve gotten a lot of good advice here. Check out Kassie Palmer Gregorio’s book, When You’re A Parent With Diabetes. She talks about abortion and I know she talked to at least one woman who adopted.
OH my… That should have read ADOPTION, not abortion. Yeesh–she doesn’t write about abortion at all!
Hi–I just heard from a longtime type 1 friend who is about to adopt an American baby through an agency. She said her endocrinologist only had to provide a note saying she was in excellent diabetes control and very fit to be a parent. Email me if you’d like more details or to get in touch with my friend.
Thanks for the info. I actually learned that it’s really on the International Adoption side that having diabetes is an impediment. So, I’m definitely looking at American agencies only. I’ve gotten some great recommendations, and Bri and I are talking things over. We might have to wait a little while (six months to a year) to save up the cash to begin the process
I’m so appreciative to the entire DOC for their amazing support and feedback. It’s so wonderful (ooh, I feel a blog post coming on)!