Devastated
Last week, my world changed forever. As Brian and I left the doctor’s office, completely numb, we talked about mundane things like where to go for dinner and the DC Auto Show. Neither of us really acknowledging the finality of the visit; both content to wait for the results of additional testing. But knowing, deep down, that any further hope was gone.
Together, we will never have a biological child. That’s it; game over.
We tried to talk about things like donors and adoption, but it was all so forced and transparently optimistic.
I’ve often asked “why me?” when it comes to diabetes. I’ve wondered what I did to deserve this kind of life. It’s gotten me down sometimes, but I always managed to dust myself off and continue doing what has to be done.
There is nothing to be done, now. We got dealt this shitty hand, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. I feel helpless, hopeless, and simply devastated.
Themocracy
Shannon: It won’t do anything to ease the devastation, but… A couple we know through church got similar news many years ago after trying unsuccessfully for so long. Just when they began exploring adoption, they surprised the docs and had the first of what would eventually be 3 kids. I keep that as a sign of hope in my own life, and while it may not be anything worthwhile or even applicable, I hold it out in hoping for you that anything is possible. I’ll pray for you both, that you’ll become the parents you want to become no matter what route opens up for you both.
Thank you, Michael. We haven’t given up completely, but it’s the longest of possible long shots (read: miracle).
We will definitely explore adoption.
As my heart aches for you and your husband, I think miracles do happen. If we have to bank on one then so be it. Any sliver of hope is enough to keep going!
And if Adoption is the route you are supposed to take then I hope that process is easy, quick, and awesome! There is a special place in my heart for people that adopt kids. I think kids pray for the miracle of parents.
Take care.
Shannon, I’m absolutely devastated for you. I know there’s nothing I can say or do to ease your pain, but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers, and I’m here for you in every way.
I am so sorry to hear that, Shannon. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers
I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you. I’m sending prayers your way. Miracles do happen. Sometimes in ways we least expect. I will pray for you and your husband to have peace and comfort during this awful time.
Although I don’t recommend making any decisions any time soon, I will tell you this, I am adopted. I have siblings (one older and one younger) that are blood related to my parents, while I am not. Yet, I’ve never felt any different and have always felt very loved.
Shannon-Sorry doesn’t seem to be a strong enough word, but that’s all that comes to my mind.
I’m so sorry for both you and Brian and you both are very much in my thoughts and prayers.
Kelly K
I cannot tell you all how much your kind words, prayers, and support mean to me. I will share all of these comments with Brian, as well. He’s much stronger than I am, but I know he’s grieving, too.
It may not feel like much now, but my sister (both of us are T1DM) adopted a little girl from Russia a number of years ago, and aside from looking just like my sister, her daughter also has a very similar personality — which is scary! Anyway, I think that while its not quite the same, many of the rewards of adoption are exactly the same, and on the plus side, there’s also a few unique rewards, too! If you decide to pursue that route, I hope it goes smoothly for you, and look at the bright side: there won’t be any pregnancy weight to loose!!
I don’t really have anything to say or add other than ::SUPER ENORMOUS GIANT BIG HUGS!:: and I’ll buy you a cupcake next time I’m in D.C., OK?
Shannon, I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been lurking on your blog for awhile, and I know how much you wanted this…
I’ve gone through the same exact thing as you. I had a couple of miscarriages (one very, very recently), and I’ve slowly realized that biological children aren’t in our future. Instead we’ve signed up with an adoption agency, and are on our way to adopting. (This after 2 years waiting to adopt from Vietnam, which later closed, a year recovering from that, and then a year getting our profile in order and home study updated.) Now we’re on the path to parenthood, all the old hurts and disappointments are starting to go away. Honestly, all we are now is excited.
Take time to recover, and realize it may take a good deal of time…Be good to yourself, let yourself cry. But then IMO the best and fastest way to recover will be to take whatever action you can to start on a different path to parenthood. Adoption is such an amazing way to become a parent. I know we all dream of a child who shares traits or whatever, but once you get past that you’ll realize the most important part of parenting is to guide a child, whoever carried him, make him into a good person who’ll do good things for the world. You’re going to raise an amazing child someday, however it happens.
I know you don’t know me (short version–I’ve been t1 for 37 yrs, since I was 2, active DOC member for 3 years…I also tend to use too many ellipses…Hi!!), but feel free to write me if you ever want to talk, or get tips/insights, whatever…There are so many kids out there who need good parents, and you’re going to be an AMAZING mommy someday, I know that.
(HUG)
Hi Shannon:
You don’t know me, but I’ve journeyed over from Kerri Sparling’s blog to send you a (((((hug))))).
I’ve no words to ease your pain, but wanted you to know that a stranger is thinking about you today.
I married late in life, and was diagnosed T2 just before we got engaged so I empathize with how you are feeling right now. Biological children aren’t in the cards for us, either.
My brother and SIL adopted three siblings and they are the pride and joy of my life. While it’s not the life I imagined for myself, I cannot imagine life without ‘my’ boys in it.
As you and your hubby grieve, please be kind to yourselves.
Lorrian in CA
I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. Stay close to each other and know that you have friends out here in b-land who care.
Shannon, you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I stumbled on your blog from Kerri’s a couple of months ago and have been reading ever since. As everyone has said, there are many ways to have kids. My brother and his wife have adopted 2 incredible kids. It took them awhile to find their kids but there is no doubt in my mind that they all belong together. Take care of yourself.
My condolences to you both. You’ll be in my prayers. (((hugs)))
I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
I’m very sorry to read your post and wonder, what exactly were you told?
There is a time for grieving and then there is a time to regroup–there are many different ways to build a family.
Email anytime if you like.
I am praying for you and your husband in this very difficult time.
Shannon,
Words cannot express how sorry I am to hear this awful news. My heart breaks for you and Brian…I know how deeply you wanted a biological child. When you are ready, and ONLY if you want, I am here to listen. I love you very much and wish you were a little girl again, so I could kiss away the pain. Obviously that is not possible, so just know that I’m thinking of you, grieving with you, and as always loving you with all my heart. XOXO
Oh, Shannon! I know I can’t really say anything that will help ease your pain, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I just know that when you and Brian are ready, after you’ve grieved and are ready for a child again, the perfect little angel will be ready for you, too, and the path that brought you all together, whatever it is, will just be another part of what makes you all so perfect for each other.
Shannon,
You don’t know me, and I just found your blog today through Tudiabetes. I am a 1.5 LADA diabetic. My husband and I tried for 8 years to have a baby, we did everything the infertility world had to offer x3…yes, even invitro! I went through 2 miscarriages and finally the dr.s said my husband and I would never have a baby together. (note: I had a daughter from a previous marriage and was told as a teenager I would never have kids) That was in July of 2004. I remember something my infertility dr. told me. She said, “I am a dr. that creates the right environment for pregnancy. Most of the time I am successful, but sometimes I am not. It is God who opens and closes the womb, I am not God.” We were devastated! I felt inadequate…I told my husband I was sorry because I knew he wanted a child, and if he wanted I would let him out of his wedding vows, and give him the opportunity to have a child with someone who could. He looked me in the eye and said he loved my too much, and if it was Gods will not to have a child then he would live with that. So I went back to work pt and school ft, satisfied that we would be fine. On new years day 2005 I got pregnant with my miracle baby, Jaz Lin. She is everything we hoped for and more. I just want to say I am sorry about your situation! My heart hurts with you! There is always hope, because it’s God who opens and closes the womb. I went through a successful pregnancy, with a wonderful dr. that did everything to ensure my daughter was fine, and a wonderful husband who loves me even if we didn’t have any children. We will keep you and Brian in our prayers! Jennifer
Thank you for your comment and your kind words of encouragement, Jennifer. I’m so happy that despite the odds, you were able to conceive your daughter. I love hearing from people who have made liars out of doctors!
We’re not giving up. Even if we can’t have biological children together, we’re going to look at ALL of our options. I hope I can one day write a blog post about how we made a liar out of our doctor!
Congratulations on your successful pregnancy and your healthy daughter.