Breathe in; Breathe out.
So, in a couple of weeks, I have my quarterly appointment with Dr. S. For the first time in a while, I’m dreading this appointment. I should be focusing on things like getting my blood drawn, having an excuse to get a pedicure, and figuring out what to wear. Instead, I’m bombarded by images of what our appointment is going to look like.
I figure it will start with the not-so-good news that my A1c has gone up since last time. I know this is going to happen. Then, we’ll take a look at my Dexcom reports, which will clearly show how horribly I’m slacking. Dr. S. will ask me what’s going on. He won’t be critical, he’ll just want to know if there’s some reason for my shitty numbers and weight gain. He’ll talk about basals and boluses, but that’s not the problem. The problem is that I’ve been in such a funk that I really haven’t cared as much about diabetes. My numbers aren’t crazy; they’re just not as good as they have been.
This is when I’ll probably lose it. I’ll have to tell him that I really don’t feel the need or desire to work so hard since there’s zero chance of me getting pregnant accidentally. I’ll say sure, put me on whatever meds you want (Symlin, Lisinopril, etc.) because it really doesn’t matter which pregnancy category they are. And, I’ll cry. I know I will. I’ll probably make him very uncomfortable – he’s an endocrinologist not a psychiatrist, after all. He’s also got two beautiful children. So, I’ll sit there blubbering about the unfair hand Brian and I have been dealt.
He’ll probably attempt to get the appointment back on track by moving on to the physical exam. I’ll sit there like a good patient, breathing in and out on cue. He’ll declare me “healthy,” and that will be that. We’ll go back to his office where he’ll write prescriptions, talk about what I can do to improve, and schedule our next appointment.
So, life goes on. On the outside, nothing has changed. I continue to breathe in and out on cue.
Themocracy
I’m in that same sort of funk, for similar yet so very different reasons. *hugs*
You’re right, Shannon. These appointments do have a tendency to work out that way. Can’t imagine what you’ve been dealing with personally in the past couple months. But, one thing that these appointments also tend to do, even if by mistake, is give us an internal motivation to do better for ourselves. To know that we have someone wonderful by our side no matter what hurdles and unfair situations come to be – and that person is why we must stay “health” and on track, if even a little. I have an appointment on March 3 myself, and am dreading it for my own personal reasons following my own personal funk(s). I foresee an Uphappy Endo. Yet, there’s hope in getting back and track simply that it will make me feel somewhat better despite all the challenges. Good luck with yours.
Thanks, Rachel. ((Hugs)) right back to you!
Good luck with yours, too, Mike. I could have it all wrong, and he’ll just punch me in the face for my bad numbers
There should be a happy hour after that appointment. Even if it’s on my couch with abd shows on WE?
Of course if he punches you, then I’ll bring your cocktail to wherever you are having your face put back together.
BTW does your endo see your toes?
LOL, Sylvie! I like the way you think.
Yes, I get a foot exam with every endo appointment. Read this to understand what an endo appointment is like for me
(Having read “this to understand what an endo appointment is like”…)
So you and Sylvie get along so well because you share obsessions! It all makes sense now.
thanks for the link, so the cute doc checks your feet everytime. Does Brian read your posts?
Oh, and I have ben meaning to do a blog post about shoes for a while. Photos of all my shoes with something related to them. Maybe 1 post at a time featuring 1 pair. You should too.